So you know that point in a relationship where you can't think of anything to make it go back to the way you were, so you decide you have to try something drastic? Well, that's where we went. My boyfriend and I have been fighting a lot. Almost every conversation we had that consisted of more than basic small talk ended in a fight.
It seems like we have always fought, ever since we first lived together, we had intense fights (with great makeup sex, by the way). It just seems like they get more and more frequent, and the good times seem shorter, unless we consciously try not to fight. But relationships aren't supposed to be like that, are they? On some level, they have to be easy, the good times have to be the largest times.
So we had a long long talk on the weekend, and finally decided that we needed to take some time to ourselves and figure out what we both needed at this point in our lives. Then, on the day before Valentine's Day for me, Valentine's Day for him, we broke up.
We both bought cards for each other, but we make a plan to have our own Valentine's Day when we get back together... if we ever do. At this point, I honestly don't know which way he is going to go. I know I want to make it work, but it just seems like he isn't as deep emotionally in this relationship as I am. We laid out ground rules for the "hold", as we are calling it, because it doesn't sound as permanent.
I cannot stop thinking about it. Every single thing I see, hear or read seems to be about long-distance relationships not working, breaking up, crying... ugh. We lived together for months, so everything in my house reminds me of him, everything in the city reminds me of us! So I'm just trying not to think at all, having a movie on at all times at home, blowing my ear drums with blaring music at all other times. I just don't know what to think or feel right now, all my emotions are all over the place (PMSing doesn't help at all) and I just want to sleep. Sleep through the rest of university, through the "hold", through everything.
I guess we'll see how the next few months of my life turn out. It feels like it's all on the edge of a cliff for the moment.
Song of the Month: Cry Baby by Cee Lo Green
