Parents

I'm missing my parents, my house back home, my ferret, normal food, happy people... sometimes it seems here that no one is happy in their relationships, that they are just a generally unhappy people. I think it's because they are so uptight and buttoned down about every thing. I don't know if I want to come back here next year.

I haven't talked to my parents in like 2 weeks, because I don't want to screw up the internet connection when he's working, and when he's not on it, he's around me, and I want some private time to talk to them, especially my mom. I always talk to her about relationship stuff, even in previous ones, and when he hangs around when I talk to, well, anyone really, he always finds something I said to get pissed off about. I just want to talk to my mom :(

Moody

I hate the feeling when you don't know how a relationship is doing. Some times are good, but are there enough good times to outweigh the bad times. And the bad times pop up randomly. I thought women were supposed to be the moody, pissy ones when they are on their period? He's on his period all the fucking time, and apparently, when I get moody once a month, it's irrational! Ugh, I just want to yell at him that he's such a fucking hypocrite all the time!  Sometimes I think I don't need this in my life right now. I have enough stress finding work and a place to live over here (which I have to do because of him, by the way) without having to worry about his moods.

It just seems like we only talk when he wants to talk, and then when I start sharing an opinion, he says he's done with the conversation. It's starting to wear on my patience, and he's such a hypocrite about a lot of other stuff. And he's the one telling me he doesn't know if he likes who I am. Fuck that shit.

Tense

It's been a bit tense since... well, since I got here really. We have a couple good days, cuddly, joking, happy, then something happens, always MY fault, just btw, and then he doesn't want to talk to me. Is it just me, or does he need to chill the fuck out, because it's always him getting in a fit over something tiny that I do, and when I get a little peeved at him, I'm overreacting and he gets pissy! WTF??? It doesn't feel like an equal relationship some times. He has anger problems, something he admitted he wanted to look in to anger management classes for, but when I remind him of that, he says he didn't and gets mad at me. It's a no-win situation and it is my relationship. He doesn't seem to get that I have no friends here, and when I explain why I tell someone something slightly personal, he gets angry and then says I should talk to him about it, but if I had talked to him about it initially, he would just get mad at me feeling that way!! I've tried talking to him about stuff that bothers me, but he just twists it around to make it seem like I'm overreacting or don't understand or something, but it's the way I feel! Not something that he can have an opinion on! They are MY fucking feelings! 

And every time I have a conversation with someone, he needs to know exactly what every one said. When I text someone, he needs to read it and analyze it and tell me how to say things. It's really starting to piss me off and makes me not want to talk to him or tell him what happens in my life. That's not a good way to feel about a partner. Is it just me overreacting again, or is he being slightly controlling? I don't know what to do. I don't know if I want to keep trying to talk to him about all this. It's exhausting.

There's also the issue I have with being very insecure about him and other girls. It stems from all the girls he got with while traveling, and them keeping in touch with him. It didn't help that when we weren't official, but had the exact same relationship we have now, he made out with girls in bars. He hasn't told me an exact number, but said it was around 20. That bugs the hell out of me, but he says I have no right to be bothered by anything in the past or when we weren't official. This is sounding like a previous post, so I'll move on to PHOTO TIME :)

My dreams...

One way out...

Or

I guess we'll see when I get my own place, but it's not a reassuring thing when we can't live together without wanting to kill each other every couple of days. I have trouble these days seeing the future... it's scary.