Shaved!!

I have been feeling really strange lately, like sometimes I feel really focused and on top of things, then one small thing happens, and it throws me all out of whack. The Boy and I had a stupid fight, he mistook something I said to try and help, and of course, blew it all out of proportion, so didn't really talk for a couple days, and I am just sick of him being such a hypocritical little bitch about everything. I'm kind of getting sick of him in general, but only when he's being a whiner. I haven't been doing things just for me, he's almost always got input on things I do, or some opinion. I need him to butt the hell out sometimes. When I ask for his help or opinion, ok. But otherwise, keep your opinions to yourself!

Anyway, I just needed a change, even something small, and I've been thinking about shaving part of my head for a while now, so I called my hairdresser and made an appointment for today before I could change my mind. I headed over and she cut the patch off as soon as I got in the chair so I had no time to think about it. It turned out awesome, she straightened my hair and I love it! I can't stop touching the shaved part.

I love it all the more because The Boy doesn't want me to have short hair or look like a boy, so it's all about me and what I want. Don't worry, I don't look butch at all, because the rest is still long. And its positioned so when I have my hair down, you can't even see it, so job appearance won't be a problem. 

These are just some images of inspirations, nothing here is quite like what I've done :) I want to shave a shape into the side, but don't know what to do (stars are cliche, don't even mention it) but I'm open to suggestions :)

Replaced?

There's this girl, right? She's new in my boyfriend's town, and they were friends before. They hang out a lot, go for drinks, maybe a dinner or two, and she calls him at like 3 in the morning when she's drunk!! Even when I'm there!!! Apparently she does this with everyone and I shouldn't be bothered, but I hate it. She's always commenting on his Facebook. It's like they are getting closer than we are, because they are in the same city, and I can't be there. Almost like she's a replacement girlfriend for the closeness and social stuff. It just worries me as to if it's going to stay innocent like that...

I am trying to let go of the jealousy and suspicion, but that's just the kind of person I am. I'm very territorial and I hate sharing. She should go get her own fucking boyfriend, LEAVE MINE ALONE!!! 

Fantastic Life :)

I don't know why, but something has happened this semester that just makes me feel fantastic about everything, my home, myself, my baccalaureate project, my relationships... Everything! I feel myself becoming more mature and responsible, more organized, thus having more time be become a well-rounded person.

One of the things I wish I could change is my "look", my style, but I think it will take either a big move or a career beginning to be able to change that, too many clothes and a pretty mellow style. I just don't have the energy in the mornings to do more than drag my sorry ass out of bed, throw on a tank top and jean with a pair of sneakers and brush my teeth, let alone spend hours on my hair and makeup, then get in a dress and traipse around in heels all day.


BUT I wish I could! The girls that do look so pretty, and I watch these movies (Chocolat, 2000) and the women are so elegant and womanly and romantic. Then there's me, jeans and t-shirt, barely brushed hair and definitely not womanly. It's not that I look bad, I think I'm fairly attractive, but it's an athletic, could-survive-if-the-world-went-all-Road-Warrior kind of attractive. It's strong, not delicate and womanly, warm or soft.


This may stem from the being taller, playing sports and dominating in Gym class, but I kind of hate it. I want my boyfriend to look at me like I'm feminine and pretty. He says I'm pretty, but I don't feel the woman in it.

Any tips for an athletic girl wanting to turn feminine?

Aaaand Another One Bites The Dust

Found out yesterday that there's another friend from school who dated the guy for a year and a half and is marrying him in October. I've known my boy longer than that, most of it dating, and we are no where even close! He can't even bring himself to say the four letter word (his term for it). It's starting to make me wonder, is it me, or is it the small town syndrome?

Limited Access

Living with a boyfriend really limited my private blogging time. I tried doing it with him there, just keeping the window hidden from him, but it just got annoying and he started wondering what I was doing all the time. He's too nosey for his own good. So sorry about the absence.


I think the thing that most sucked about living with the boyfriend for the summer was the unexpected lack of sex drive! It was really weird. We are so horny when we are half a world away from each other, but then when we live together and see each other every day, it just gets to be too much. I think if we both had jobs, or even one of us for that matter, then we would get time to have our space and to miss the other during the day, but we were together 24/7 for the summer, except when I couldn't take it anymore and took a couple days to myself. He didn't like that, but I think if I hadn't forced it, we would have just got worse and worse and the whole thing would have blown up.


Just found out that a friend I've known since we were almost babies got engaged to a guy she's been dating since January. Seriously? I've been dating my guy for longer than that and known him for double that! What the hell?! It's not like they have been living together that whole time. Actually, all the time combined, me and my boy have probably been living together longer than them! And that's the real test of compatibility, trust me. If she's known him longer than that, I don't know, but I don't see this ending well. At least she waited until at least 23 before getting engaged. A few of the girls in my class got married almost straight out of high school. You just know they are going far in life.

Bride and Babies

I have been obsessed these last couple weeks with everything wedding, marriage and babies. I even dragged my friend around this funky shopping district looking for rings to look at! Found some pretty ones, I'm really starting to like these champagne-colored diamonds. I've also got a bunch of rings bookmarked on my computer, some retro, some the classic solitary diamond in a platinum setting. I don't know if this platinum thing is new, but I really love silver.

I've even gone more wedding crazy recently. Some of my boyfriend's friends are getting married, and they had some massive wedding talk the other day. So, of course, this morning I go surfing the net for wedding planning sites, registered with one, picked a wedding date and started updating my to do list. Yes, I know, I'm a nut job. I've also started looking at engagement rings and cakes and a bit at dresses.

As for babies, I don't know. Sometimes I want them. Other times, they just seem like a pain in the ass. I know my boyfriend wants kids, as many as he can afford he says, but I don't know if I want to dedicate my life to someone like that. The mother is the one who loses all her freedom and identity in the process...

Parents

I'm missing my parents, my house back home, my ferret, normal food, happy people... sometimes it seems here that no one is happy in their relationships, that they are just a generally unhappy people. I think it's because they are so uptight and buttoned down about every thing. I don't know if I want to come back here next year.

I haven't talked to my parents in like 2 weeks, because I don't want to screw up the internet connection when he's working, and when he's not on it, he's around me, and I want some private time to talk to them, especially my mom. I always talk to her about relationship stuff, even in previous ones, and when he hangs around when I talk to, well, anyone really, he always finds something I said to get pissed off about. I just want to talk to my mom :(

Moody

I hate the feeling when you don't know how a relationship is doing. Some times are good, but are there enough good times to outweigh the bad times. And the bad times pop up randomly. I thought women were supposed to be the moody, pissy ones when they are on their period? He's on his period all the fucking time, and apparently, when I get moody once a month, it's irrational! Ugh, I just want to yell at him that he's such a fucking hypocrite all the time!  Sometimes I think I don't need this in my life right now. I have enough stress finding work and a place to live over here (which I have to do because of him, by the way) without having to worry about his moods.

It just seems like we only talk when he wants to talk, and then when I start sharing an opinion, he says he's done with the conversation. It's starting to wear on my patience, and he's such a hypocrite about a lot of other stuff. And he's the one telling me he doesn't know if he likes who I am. Fuck that shit.

Tense

It's been a bit tense since... well, since I got here really. We have a couple good days, cuddly, joking, happy, then something happens, always MY fault, just btw, and then he doesn't want to talk to me. Is it just me, or does he need to chill the fuck out, because it's always him getting in a fit over something tiny that I do, and when I get a little peeved at him, I'm overreacting and he gets pissy! WTF??? It doesn't feel like an equal relationship some times. He has anger problems, something he admitted he wanted to look in to anger management classes for, but when I remind him of that, he says he didn't and gets mad at me. It's a no-win situation and it is my relationship. He doesn't seem to get that I have no friends here, and when I explain why I tell someone something slightly personal, he gets angry and then says I should talk to him about it, but if I had talked to him about it initially, he would just get mad at me feeling that way!! I've tried talking to him about stuff that bothers me, but he just twists it around to make it seem like I'm overreacting or don't understand or something, but it's the way I feel! Not something that he can have an opinion on! They are MY fucking feelings! 

And every time I have a conversation with someone, he needs to know exactly what every one said. When I text someone, he needs to read it and analyze it and tell me how to say things. It's really starting to piss me off and makes me not want to talk to him or tell him what happens in my life. That's not a good way to feel about a partner. Is it just me overreacting again, or is he being slightly controlling? I don't know what to do. I don't know if I want to keep trying to talk to him about all this. It's exhausting.

There's also the issue I have with being very insecure about him and other girls. It stems from all the girls he got with while traveling, and them keeping in touch with him. It didn't help that when we weren't official, but had the exact same relationship we have now, he made out with girls in bars. He hasn't told me an exact number, but said it was around 20. That bugs the hell out of me, but he says I have no right to be bothered by anything in the past or when we weren't official. This is sounding like a previous post, so I'll move on to PHOTO TIME :)

My dreams...

One way out...

Or

I guess we'll see when I get my own place, but it's not a reassuring thing when we can't live together without wanting to kill each other every couple of days. I have trouble these days seeing the future... it's scary.

Sex

It's kinda worrying that we don't have sex as much as we used to, even though we've been away from each other for 4 months. It started when I got here, I was unfortunately on my flow, so no sex for like the first 4 days I was here, then his roommates were home for the weekend, so the first time we finally got to bone was 11 in the morning and the cleaners were downstairs. Hot. I don't know why I don't feel horny these days! It's just too freaking hot here. Thank Einstein the mercury is going to drop this week so maybe we will want to cuddle under the sheets and hopefully progress to some squeeky-squeek. It sucks living with roommates that we have to fuck around. I much prefer it back at my place that we have a set schedule to work with.

It feels like he's lost sexual interest in me sometimes. In front of his friends he wants us to be like just friends, and save all the coupley stuff for when we are alone. So I said fine, I'll try it for a bit, but when he treats me like that all day, while still expecting me to get him stuff and carry all his shit around like a girlfriend, it pisses me off! If you want one, you have to give me at least a bit of affection in public, or you can fucking get your beer and food your fucking self! It's not just a relationship when you fucking want it to be! GAH!

Self

I feel like I've lost my sense of self here. We keep having stupid little fights over the most ridiculous things, and he calls me a liar when I say something I think is true but my understanding is wrong. That's not lying in my opinion, that's a misunderstanding of the situation in the first place. But I didn't apologize for being mistaken, so he got pissed and yelled at me, so last night was kind of a write off. But he sleeps stuff off well, so today is better.

I'm a bit annoyed as he won't even let me give him a peck on the cheek in front of his roommate, because they don't want to live with a couple. I think they can handle a couple kisses here and there, and we haven't even made out since I got here, so I really don't think they are bothered. They haven't been here most of the fricking time anyway! 

The lack of kissing is a bit of a worry to me though. It makes me wonder about the attraction between us. I'm ready and raring to go, but he doesn't seem to want to snog me or even kiss me very much. He says he never liked to French kiss (not what I remember from Christmas and last time we were together) and that I should know him better! Well I can't fucking know you if you keep changing your whole personality! Bit of exaggeration in there but he does change faces a lot. 

Is it a bad sign if I have been here for 3 days and I still have all my stuff in my bag? I have a toothbrush in the bathroom and a jacket and dress hung up (expensive ones) but other than that, I don't even have a shelf for my stuff that keeps falling around in my bag and I have to dig through it. I would be happy just for one for little stuff, not even clothes. Girls, you know what a pain it is to dig to the bottom of a backpack for makeup and jewelry.

I came upstairs because he's playing video games and getting really heated and doesn't want me to see him like that, his words. So... by my reasoning, if he doesn't want me to see him like that, shouldn't he refrain from playing while I'm around and save it for when I go out with friends? You know, that makes sense in my mind because I came across an ocean for a summer to be with him, and he wants to sit and play video games that just piss him off! It does not make any sense to me at all.

Anyway, here are a few images for your viewing pleasure.

Here

I'm finally with my boyfriend and things were a bit weird for the first day. He's had a lot on his mind and there was some dramatic things going on in his life that I got here just in time to witness. Lots of stress, so it was a bit tense, but we've talked about a few things already and the communication is a lot better in person, like I had hoped.


It's been nice just being with him again, being able to touch him and cuddle him and kiss him. There have been a few problems with the house and stuff, nothing that can't be sorted, but makes it a bit difficult with me here. We've just been hanging out, doing some cooking, but I have to get on with finding a job quick, which is really intimidating. I'm getting a bit worried about being able to actually find a job, and scared about working in a foreign country. I guess I'll just have to deal with it.


All in all, wouldn't be anywhere else :)

Letdown

I really need to stop getting overexcited before plans are finalized. Yet another case of letting my optimism get ahead of my logic. Thought it would be easy to get over to my boyfriend's country today after my travel documents got here, but nooooo something has to go wrong with the flight booking. And now I have to wait until she gets in touch with me, because I have no way of initiating it. So, now I'm back in limbo, working on my tan and watching more Sex and the City :). 

I go through cycles of obsession with TV shows. This week, a reviewing of Sex and the City. Unfortunately, Tudou seems to have taken down the stream that has every single episode that play one after the other :(. Sadness abounding. This is the next series on my list to get. Finally got the whole Friends series, but it doesn't have near enough sex and hot clothes in it for my taste these days. I can't wait until I have enough money to buy some gorgeous shoes and dresses...

Her dress from Paris makes me yearn for the streets of the City of Love, and of course the figure to pull it off.

This iconic dress is cute, but I absolutely loooove the gladiator-esque heels. I bought a pair sort of like that in London last summer, but I haven't had an occasion to wear them. That's what happens when you are a tomboy who loves heels the is still in university and doesn't go anywhere fancy.

Another one of her massive flower concoctions, not really a fan, but the all over pose and ambiance of the photo, I adore. I can't wait until I can get a good SLR camera with some filters and play.

I couldn't find a better picture of this dress, but I think it is absolutely gorgeous. I want my wedding dress to be this simple and elegant.

I have a new thing for knit scarves. I finished a purple one of my own, but then less than 6 months in to wearing it, I lost it! So now I've started over, but I can't wait to get some red yarn this color and start an extra-thick, extra-long one.

So this isn't exactly clothes, but I love the simplicity of the interiors in Sex and the City. I can't wait until I can afford my own place so I can go to town on that bad boy.

So those are my thoughts on fashion for now. As you will learn, I am extremely eclectic and have no set style at all. Just roll with it, baby :)

Hormones

Right now, I am sitting at my desk in front of an open window with early evening sunshine pouring in, a light breeze carrying the noise of children down the street up to my ears, watching Sex and the City and snacking on homemade baked garlicky treats. Life could not get any better for me under the circumstances. Things have been a bit shitty lately, but I have realized how much crappier they could have been. I'm really not that hard done by. I have an amazing boyfriend, the best parents in the entire world, some sweet ass siblings and some good friends. I have more than the basic amenities, an amazing talent for making things (food, art, love ;)), brains above the average person (it's not my opinion! I've been told.), and my health (which, yes, I have a bit of work to do on). So here is what has been on my mind a lot lately.

I think it's my hormones raging, but every movie I watch has either a wedding or a baby in it. I want those. Not right now, because of the stage in my life I'm in, but sometimes I just want to feel what it's like to be pregnant. I think I am more excited about the pregnancy than about having a child. Is that bad? My sister thinks that means I'm guaranteed to have Post Partum Depression. I think that just means I'm not ready for kids. Or maybe that just means I'm crazy. Who knows.

I would love to have babies with my boyfriend. I think my dark hair with his blue eyes would be gorgeous. We are both fairly tall, so that would be great. I know we both love sports, so our kids would grow up playing games, going traveling, climbing trees, riding bikes. We both have the same beliefs (Atheism) and have the same family life (close families and friend units, same home life, same upbringing) so I know we will bring up our kids strongly together. I'm still not at the phase where I can actually picture all this in my head, but we have talked about how many kids we both want. I'm still not even sure that I want kids, and he wants as many as he can afford :). Which may be a whole fricking lot, as he is in banking! Just thinking about it is ouch... I wish I could picture our future in my head, but I think the fights we have on a regular basis are putting doubts in my mind. I'm hoping this summer will allay these fears and get us on the right track again. Until, that is, the fall semester starts and we go back to long distance until Christmas, if we can swing it this year.

Note on the last post. I recently began speaking to the first long term relationship I had (and ended after 3 years). Every single conversation he has on Facebook on his feed is like "wish you all the best for your ambitions" and "good luck in all you do". Those are his standard responses, even to birthday wishes!! What the fuck is that!? It's like he's a robot! Or doesn't have a big enough vocabulary to expand these messages. Though I do think he trades of one for the other, so it's not so repetitive. Now I know I made the right choice to end things with him in our first 2 months of college. I cannot be with someone who isn't as smart as me and is that small town. Yes, I'm from a small town, but I do not want to marry small town.

Food and Love

I adore cooking.

This is to the detriment of my figure, as I am quite an accomplished hobby cook. I cook for family and friends. I love cooking random gourmet meals from scratch. The freshest ingredients are like drugs to me (although I have never tried any drugs, so I can't really compare...), I can't get enough of them. I love going shopping for fresh vegetables, great fruit, fragrant bread... herbs! Herbs are so much fun!

This February, I started a few pots of my own herbs:

- Lemon basil

- Italian basil

- Rosemary

- Thyme

- Oregano

- Cilantro

- Chives

- Lavender (I think)

- and a Garlic clove that started to sprout, so I threw it in an empty patch in one of the pots.

I think that's the tally. They took a while to sprout, but they are finally filling out. I won't be able to use them for another couple months, but as soon as I get back from my relocation to London for the summer, fresh herbs, here I come!

Just a side note, I love the Sex and the City series. Quote of the day : "I want a Bourbon and I want to go down on you, not necessarily in that order."

I can't wait to get over to my boyfriend's place in London so I can cook him all these things I've been making for myself. Hopefully this will help me to not eat everything by myself and curtail the weight gain. We decided to get healthier together, yoga and healthy food :). I feel this is going to be good for us to do things together, because living on different continents for most of the year. He has a habit of hurting himself in sports and other activities, and is having surgery sometime soon, and I'm so glad I can be there for him this time. It's hard on both of us to be away from each other when we need the other one. I really feel like we are going to move to a better stage in our relationship with this uninterrupted time together.

Normal relationships progress in a much different way than ours has. A few dates every week, progressing to meeting the friends, then family, if that all goes well, then it's the "I love you" step, then more commitment, etc. Ours went and is still going in random order and at massively different speeds. He met my family 3 weeks after meeting, we lived together after knowing each other for 2 weeks (long story, no, I'm not insane, yes, it was fantastic having that much amazing sex :P), and even now, the steps are all screwed up.

I makes me wonder how the future is going to go... is everything in our relationship going to be screwy like that just because we've done the first few years of it long distance? I overheard a woman the other day saying that she's been in a long distance relationship for 7 years! I don't know if we could survive that, we fight a lot because of the miscommunications due to the technology and distance. I don't know. I can really see myself with him in 10 years. I haven't honestly been able to do that in previous relationships. A few years, yes. Painting together in our studio (last ex), traveling together (first serious relationship), but beyond these, I couldn't see us buying a house together, handling financial problems together, getting married or raising kids. Of course I had the romantic thoughts of getting proposed to, etc. But in reality, those relationships weren't mature enough.

So this summer will be interesting, to say the least.

Women

Since I lost a bunch of weight after my last major breakup, I've been really aware of my body. I did yoga for a while, never joined a gym in my life. I am going to start running this summer, me and my guy are going to start doing yoga together (yay better sex), I'm going to get him eating healthier, and I may join a gym when I get back.

So for some inspiration, I collect idealized female forms. I'm not going to go that skinny, don't worry, because I have a generally larger body type than any of these women. But if I can slim down and tone up a bit, that is good enough for me. And no way am I going to become all buff and veiny like those gross body building women. Ick. Anyway, here are some gorgeous pictures I have found, love the photography in them, the last one is mostly in there for the art in it, reminds me of a classmate of mine's art style.

Mysteries

I always find myself intrigued by mysterious and unsolved things in the world. The Romanov family, phenomenon in the natural world, mysterious people in history. Is it weird that I'd rather read all day, every day about this stuff than hang out with people I get annoyed by easily? I just love history so much, I hate reading about current affairs or theory to apply to my life now. I'd rather learn about what happened in years past, every thing at least 40 years old.

Stupidity

Dumb people bother me. Really, is it that hard to understand a sentence that is more than two lines long. And not even a real line, 2 Facebook chat lines in length! Dude! Take a second, read it again, out loud if you must.

Banana

I found something to substitute for ice cream. I was craving something with chocolate and sweetness in it this evening, so I dug into my freezer and grabbed one of the frozen bananas in there. Peeled it and sliced it, topped it with a bit of honey and then powdered it with cocoa. Really yummy, really sweet and fewer calories and dollars than Ben & Jerry's. Just my tip for the day.

Passion

Sometimes, I wish I met a passionate Greek or Italian, someone who loves life and isn't all hooked up on the financial stability. We would live in a rustic villa overlooking the ocean, go swimming every day, have a small sailboat and go fishing. The boat would of course have a freezer on it so we could flash freeze the fish and eat sushi sushi sushi! Rice cooker on top of the freezer. Fresh fruit in a hanging net, yogurt in the fridge, a blender beside the rice cooker. Mmmm I could live forever like that...

Side note: I love Turk's phrases for dirty stuff. Scrubs. Looooove it.

Fight

I hate fighting about the stupidest little things that, for some reason, bother him so much! Sometimes I really don't understand what logical reasoning occurs in his brain. It makes me wonder sometimes if we are the best match. He doesn't get some of my inner workings, I don't get some of his... does that mean we don't work? We work so well as a team, fights are occasional but we are both really strong personalities, both pretty stubborn.

What I love about him is that he pushes me to talk problems through when in all my past relationships I just pretended like they didn't happen or just buried them. This makes my current relationship probably the healthiest one I've ever had.

Of course, the passionate, adventurous sex is a plus :)

Though with that, it bothers me that he's done all this stuff before with his ex. My two serious boyfriends, I took their virginity, so it's not like they were up for really kinky stuff. I think the most kink I got in my first relationship was sex against a bale in the hay field. And in the hay loft of the calf barn. Second relationship, it was outdoor sex at my grandma's farm, in the bushes, not very exciting. Although this was in college, so there was a short foray in to the bum play area, one finger, didn't get much further than that.

So that's the extent of my kink in my previous relationships, casual things didn't get any more intimate than doggy style because of the limited comfort with the person. Solo, I had a couple bullet vibrators and some other little sex things (body sugar, nipple cream, etc) that I got with the last ex and kept because, you know, screw him.

The current BF keeps hinting, well more like saying repeatedly daily, that he wants anal and a threesome, and when we fly together, airplane sex, and asks "Don't you want to be that box tick on my list?" What the fuck is that??? I don't want to be a ticked box! I want to be in a relationship in which things happen that are a first for both of us, not being compared to an ex. I've seen pictures of the ex; she looks like a skank. That's probably the jealous girlfriend in me talking (jealous because she dumped him, he was broken up about it then went on a worldwide one night stand binge that ended with me). I guess I'm just insecure because I was just another one of the girls he met traveling. Long story.

I have decided this summer that I'm going to be more detached from the relationship. How is this a good thing, you ask? Well, I'm more invested in this relationship, from where I see it. Everyone says that, you say? Facts:

- I'm moving to his city for 4 months in the summer to live with him and have to find a job and my own place. Scary shit.

- I sometimes sit around all day waiting for him to come online so we can talk. Lame, yes. Can't help it.

- I told him I loved him before we were officially dating (long story, we were basically together for a year before he actually asked me, which is what mattered to him).

I've told him 3 times, and the closest he's got is "You know I could love you." Thanks for that. I always love when a guy says he might love me someday, if I'm good enough. It was enough for me when he said it, because I know how hard it is for him to commit, to anything. But now that I'm moving for him, to a different country none the less, I don't know if it's enough to just be in a relationship. I need another step. Steps are hard for him. I get that. But I need something so I know I'm not just wasting my time and he's going to decide I'm not good enough and then bail easily because he doesn't have the same emotional investment that I do.

Anyway, enough venting. Despite it all, I'm deliriously happy when we're in a good groove :)

Overhaul

I have to learn to save. Now, I know what you are thinking: "How much do you spend that you think you need to learn how to save??"

The answer is not that much! I don't drink, smoke, drink coffee everyday (I drink chai tea lattes occasionally. I was addicted in my last month of this term, but that's the worst it's got yet), I shop moderately (like most of the money I spend is on food by far, then on art and design supplies), I haven't been on an actual shopping trip in almost a year. My boyfriend is a frugal dude and I love him for it, because he has turned me on to the thriftier side of life. I look for deals when I buy food, supplies and clothes.

I have recently started to sophisticate up my wardrobe, starting with my undies. Saucy. I found, when I moved to the big city, that my wardrobe is supremely small town. Jeans are my staple, and I live in my black tank top. My night out shoes are Chucks and my favorite purse is an Army surplus bag with a tied on strap and a massive vintage pin. I have a few dresses in my closet, but I've worn the majority of them twice at the most. I love the way heels look, hate the way they feel, so wear those even less. So for the big city, I have tried to punk out and polish up my look.

Less cotton candy, more candy apple.

Less carnival, more Cirque de Soleil.

Less little kid, more fashion designer...

with a few marbles lost.

Fewer primary colors, more luscious colors. Jewel tones, neutrals and of course, my already staple, black. No sparkles or sequins, but I already abide by that rule. Fewer really bright colors (but not removing them completely) and more rich colors. I want sophisticated but funky. I love the funk. I absolutely love Betsey Johnson. If I had one, she would be the designer I would wear to grand balls and openings.

So this is why I must learn to save. Spend less on food, fit the clothes better! I have to start saving to get the perfect staples to a wardrobe: the little black dress, the leather jacket and pants... that's all I can think of at this moment, but I shall continue to add to the list.

Funkiness

My Dream Halloween Costume